Relational Lives Podcast

EP 11: Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell

In this episode of Relational Lives, we dive into understanding ADHD in 2025 with psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare. We explore what ADHD is, its different presentations in males and females, and its effects on self-esteem, relationships, and rejection sensitivity. Dr. Campbell shares insights on the diagnostic process, the role of medication, and what’s happening in the brain with his air traffic control metaphor. We also discuss NHS waiting list challenges, the impact of social media on awareness, and steps for seeking a diagnosis. Plus, enjoy our new quickfire segment and key insights to better understand ADHD!  
Show Notes:  Episode: Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell  Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack ADHD in 2025! Joined by psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell, we aim to shed light on this important topic, offering clarity and support for those affected by ADHD, whether personally or in relationships. From brain science to practical advice, this episode is filled with expert insights and actionable steps.  
In This Episode:  ADHD in 2025: We introduce the topic of growing ADHD awareness (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).  
Meet Dr. Campbell: Introducing our guest, a psychiatrist from Flint Healthcare (around 0:03, 00:00:03:07).  
Psychiatrist vs. Psychotherapist: Understanding the difference (around 1:00, 00:00:35:22).  
What Is ADHD? A neurodevelopmental condition explained (around 1:46, 00:01:46:19).  
Gender Differences: How ADHD presents in boys vs. girls (around 4:00, 00:04:25:21).  
Late Diagnoses: The grief and relief of adult diagnosis (around 6:00, 00:06:04:02).  
Stigma and Labels: Addressing misconceptions about ADHD (around 9:00, 00:09:26:21).  
Diagnostic Process: What a full assessment involves (around 10:00, 00:10:20:12).  
ADHD Traits in Everyone: It’s about impact, not just symptoms (around 14:00, 00:14:23:01).  
Adults and Gender: Differences persist into adulthood (around 16:00, 00:16:38:09).  
Brain Science: Dopamine, hot vs. cool systems, and the air traffic control metaphor (around 18:00, 00:18:03:18).  
Superpower or Struggle? Creativity vs. medication effects (around 24:00, 00:24:44:10).  
Medication Options: Finding the right fit for you (around 29:00, 00:29:16:15).  
NHS Challenges: Long waiting lists and the Right to Choose pathway (around 31:00, 00:31:37:20).  
Why More Diagnoses? Social media and global trends (around 35:00, 00:35:05:01).  
Rejection Sensitivity: A key challenge with ADHD (around 37:00, 00:37:10:10).  
Relationships and ADHD: Impact and improvements (around 43:00, 00:43:27:16).  
Seeking a Diagnosis: Advice for NHS and private routes (around 46:00, 00:46:48:09).  
Quickfire Segment: Coffee, forests, and evenings with Dr. Campbell (around 52:00, 00:52:07:03).  
Flint Healthcare: About Dr. Campbell’s clinic (around 55:00, 00:55:19:02).
Three Key Insights:  ADHD Is a Spectrum: We all have traits, but diagnosis depends on impact and distress (00:14:23:01).  
Medication Isn’t a Cure-All: It’s like an electric bike—helpful, but you still need to pedal (00:26:31:14).  
Start the Diagnosis Process Early: Despite NHS waiting lists, the Right to Choose pathway can help (00:47:18:19).
Resources Mentioned:  For more on mental health, check out our episode on anxiety: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube.  
Dr. Campbell recommends the ADHD Self-Rating Scale for self-assessment (mentioned at 00:50:25:05). The latest version as of 2025 is the ASRS v1.1: ADHD Self-Rating Scale (ASRS v1.1). Note: This is a screening tool, not a diagnosis.  
Learn more about Dr. Campbell’s clinic, Flint Healthcare, in Brighton, UK (mentioned at 00:55:47:16): Flint Healthcare.  
We reference the BBC show Chris Packham: Inside Our ADHD Minds (mentioned at 00:15:37:18), which includes ADHD insights: Available on BBC iPlayer (UK viewers only).
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on ADHD? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding.  
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
 

EP 10: What is an Avoidant Attachment Style?

In this episode, we explore the avoidant attachment style—its origins, signs, and ways to manage its effects on relationships. We discuss how it often develops from unmet emotional needs in childhood, leading to a protective “unplugging” from emotions. We highlight behaviours like emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and ghosting, alongside strengths such as excelling in practical crises and careers. We also address challenges in romantic relationships, like discomfort with intense emotions, and offer empathy for why this style exists as a survival mechanism. Tune in for our three takeaway tips to help you reflect, understand yourself better, and foster deeper connections.  
Show Notes:  
Episode: What is an avoidant attachment style? Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the avoidant attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.  
In This Episode:  What Is Avoidant Attachment? We introduce the style and its roots (starts around 0:00, 00:00:06:12).  
Attachment Styles Overview: A quick recap of secure, anxious, and avoidant styles (around 1:00, 00:01:19:20).  
How It Develops: Unmet emotional needs in childhood lead to “unplugging” (around 3:00, 00:03:14:25).  
A Survival Strategy: Why avoidant individuals deactivate emotions (around 5:00, 00:05:17:26).  
The Stigma: Addressing the negative stereotypes around avoidant attachment (around 7:00, 00:07:21:27).  
Recognising the Signs: Emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and more (around 9:00, 00:09:24:22).  
Strengths: Thriving in crises and career success (around 12:00, 00:12:05:23).  
Relationship Challenges: Dating, ghosting, and seeking “the one” (around 15:00, 00:15:27:17).  
Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours happen (around 21:00, 00:21:37:27).  
How to Manage It: Self-reflection, therapy, and sharing with partners (around 27:00, 00:27:15:13).  
Takeaway Tips: Three steps to reflect and connect (around 32:00, 00:32:34:27).
Three Takeaway Tips:  Reflect on Your History: Write down what in your past might have led to this style—why you unplugged emotionally (00:33:00:24).  
Identify Distancing Behaviours: List the behaviours you notice and what’s not working in your relationships (00:33:26:06).  
Share with Your Partner: Open up about your reflections and be curious about yourself with kindness (00:33:54:26).
Resources Mentioned:  We reference our earlier episode on attachment styles (mentioned at 00:00:57:17) for a broader overview—check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTc
We mention Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating (00:30:25:10) as a helpful resource for dating with attachment styles in mind.  
Check out Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Emotions by David Kundtz for understanding emotional expression (mentioned at 00:30:44:21): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nothings-Wrong-Guide-Managing-Emotions/dp/1684810280
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding.  Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
 

EP9: How to Stop Worrying

In this episode, we explore worry—what it is, why some people are more prone to it, and practical ways to stop it. We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, a key part of anxiety, and discuss its origins, from learned behaviours in families to past experiences like humiliation or health concerns. We break down the pros and cons of worrying, its impact on your body and mind, and why it can feel so exhausting. Through a roleplay, we show three ways to respond to the “worry gremlin”—engaging, ignoring, and acknowledging without feeding it. Plus, we share three takeaway tips to help you notice, assess, and stop worrying. Tune in to start managing your worries today!  Show Notes:  
Episode: How to Stop Worrying  
Welcome to our latest episode, where we dive into the world of worry! We’re here to help you understand what worry is, why it happens, and how to stop it effectively. With insights from CBT, a roleplay to demonstrate strategies, and actionable steps, this episode is all about empowering you to handle worry with clarity and compassion.  
In This Episode:  
Understanding Worry: We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, distinct from overthinking (starts around 1:00, 00:01:04:21).  
Why Do We Worry? It’s a safety mechanism, but it can spiral (around 3:00, 00:03:12:20).  
What Makes a Worrier? Learned behaviours, past experiences, and intolerance of uncertainty play a role (around 4:00, 00:04:07:12).  
The Brain’s Role: Worry triggers the fight-or-flight response, creating a vicious cycle (around 7:00, 00:07:06:14).  
Pros and Cons: Worrying might feel protective, but it’s exhausting and limiting (around 9:00, 00:09:25:08).  
Steps to Stop Worrying: Start by noticing your “what ifs” (around 15:00, 00:15:16:15).  
Types of Worry: We discuss hypothetical, solvable, and worry-about-worry types (around 19:00, 00:19:04:16).  
Roleplay: We demonstrate three ways to handle the “worry gremlin” (around 21:00, 00:21:20:07).  
Takeaway Tips: Three steps to stop worrying in your daily life (around 26:00, 00:26:25:16).
Three Takeaway Tips:  Assess Your Worry: Write down the pros and cons of worrying for you—are the pros really helping? (00:26:27:11)  
Notice Your What Ifs: Spend two days tracking your worries on your phone to build awareness (00:27:08:07).  
Don’t Engage: Acknowledge the worry gremlin but don’t feed it—focus on the present, or schedule worry time (00:27:34:01).
Resources Mentioned:  We reference our anxiety episode (mentioned at 00:01:50:07) for more on the connection between worry and anxiety—check it out for a deeper dive: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
 Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your worry strategies? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-growth.  
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
 

EP8: Understanding Gen Z: A Cross-Generational Chat

In this episode, we welcome our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective on life, social media, and generational differences. We dive into what Gen Z wants other generations to understand—from the surprising normalisation of cocaine use to their reflective and community-focused nature. Fin highlights the dual role of social media, offering connection (like queer communities) but also challenges (like far-right pipelines and echo chambers). We also explore the impact of Covid, climate change, and societal pressures on Gen Z’s views of work, relationships, and the future, alongside their openness to diversity and desire for work-life balance. Join us for a candid cross-generational conversation—and hear about Fin’s gothic band, Coma Red!  
Show Notes:  
Episode: Understanding Gen Z: A Cross-Generational Chat  
Welcome to our latest episode, where we bridge generational gaps with our first guest, Fin, from Gen Z! We’re diving into their experiences, challenges, and hopes, from social media’s impact to their views on work and relationships. With honest insights and cross-generational reflections, this episode is all about understanding and connecting across generations with clarity and empathy.  
In This Episode:  Welcoming Fin: We introduce our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).  
What Gen Z Wants to Share: Fin discusses the normalisation of cocaine use and Gen Z’s reflective nature (around 1:00, 00:01:11:22).  
Social Media’s Role: It fosters community but also poses challenges like addiction and echo chambers (around 3:00, 00:03:02:26).  
Finding Community: Social Media helps Gen Z connect, especially in queer spaces (around 8:00, 00:08:09:22).  
The Downside: Doomscrolling and far-right pipelines are real risks (around 10:00, 00:10:16:12).  
Generational Differences: We compare Gen Z’s social media use with Gen X habits (around 13:00, 00:13:13:05).  
Dark Influences: Social media can lead to polarisation and far-right ideologies (around 17:00, 00:17:08:04).  
Gen Z on Diversity: They’re open to learning about gender, sexuality, and history (around 26:00, 00:26:18:20).  
Life Paths and Work-Life Balance: Gen Z values flexibility and rejects rigid life paths (around 32:00, 00:32:20:19).  
Climate and Future Concerns: Climate change and societal issues weigh heavily on Gen Z (around 38:00, 00:38:01:00).  
Fin’s Band: Fin shares about their gothic band, Coma Red (around 42:00, 00:42:03:28).
Resources Mentioned:  Check out Fin’s band, Coma Red, for some gothic music vibes: Instagram - @coma_red_band (as mentioned at 00:42:03:29).
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your generational insights? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and cross-generational understanding.  
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode insightful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

EP7: Overcoming Negative Body Image

In this episode, we explore body image—how we perceive our bodies and the path to improving our relationship with them. We dive into how early messages from family, media (from 80s diet culture to today’s social media filters), and comparisons shape our self-view, often fueling self-criticism and scrutiny. Through personal stories—like childhood labels and the impact of filtered selfies—we highlight the societal and internal pressures that maintain a negative body image. We also share practical steps to break the cycle, from noticing self-criticism to embracing gratitude and self-compassion, especially as our bodies change with age. Plus, we offer three takeaway tips to help you improve your body image. Tune in to start this journey today!  
Show Notes:  Episode: Improve Your Body Image  Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the complex topic of body image! We’re here to help you understand how your self-perception forms, what keeps negative patterns going, and how to improve your relationship with your body. With personal insights, reflections on societal pressures, and actionable steps, this episode is all about fostering a healthier self-view with kindness and clarity.  
In This Episode:  Understanding Body Image: We define body image as how we view our appearance, shaped from childhood (starts around 1:00, 00:01:32:15).  
Childhood Messages: Family and cultural messages, like diet culture in the 80s, set early narratives (around 2:00, 00:02:27:21). 
Media’s Impact: From magazines to social media filters, media distorts our perception of “normal” (around 3:00, 00:03:23:01).  
Modern Pressures: Filters, TV shows like Love Island, and AI amplify unrealistic standards (around 6:00, 00:06:10:22).  
Maintaining Factors: Comparison, self-scrutiny, and self-criticism keep negative body image alive (around 8:00, 00:08:13:02).  
The Inner Critic: Self-criticism, a familiar voice, aims to “help” but fuels negativity (around 12:00, 00:12:15:13).  
Steps to Improve: Awareness and choosing not to engage with the critic can break the cycle (around 15:00, 00:15:29:02).  
Gratitude and Self-Compassion: Appreciating your body and building a compassionate inner voice are key (around 20:00, 00:20:19:12).  
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to improve your body image (around 27:00, 00:27:31:23).
Three Takeaway Tips:
 Reflect on Early Messages: Journal about childhood messages that shaped your body image, whether positive or negative (00:27:31:23).  
Identify Negative Patterns: Write down habits fueling a poor body image, like comparing or media exposure (00:28:24:11).  
Make One Change: Choose one habit to change, like unfollowing triggering social media accounts (00:28:46:15).
Resources Mentioned:  
We reference our self-compassion episode (mentioned at 00:25:33:10) for more on building a kinder inner voice—check it out! We also reference our overthinking episode (00:14:07:09) for tips on noticing unhelpful thoughts.
Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your body image story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-acceptance.  
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  

EP6: Healthy Relationships: Building a Strong Connection

In this episode, we unpack what makes a relationship healthy—whether you’re dating, partnered, or reflecting on your connections. We introduce the ARE framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged) to show how safety and security create a strong foundation, even when life gets busy or conflicts arise (like dishwasher disagreements!). Through personal stories—like feeling disconnected or finding comfort in a partner’s support at social events—we explore the role of communication, mutual respect, and emotional safety. We also discuss how secure relationships foster independence and teamwork, even for those with insecure attachment tendencies. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you reflect on and strengthen your relationships. Tune in to build a healthier connection today!  
In This Episode:  What Makes a Healthy Relationship? We set the stage for understanding healthy relationships for everyone (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).  
Feeling Disconnected: We share how busy lives can lead to disconnection, even in strong relationships (around 1:00, 00:01:12:12).  
The ARE Framework: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement are key to feeling safe and secure (around 3:00, 00:03:19:04).  
Engagement and Presence: Being truly present shows care and interest, even in small moments (around 8:00, 00:08:24:00).  
Bids for Connection: Why responding to your partner’s bids (like sharing a storm moment) matters (around 11:00, 00:11:44:18).  
Security Fosters Independence: A secure relationship allows for individuality without fear (around 13:00, 00:13:01:18).  
Communication and Emotional Safety: Deeper communication and emotional safety are vital for connection (around 18:00, 00:18:19:08).  
Facing Challenges as a Team: Healthy relationships tackle differences together, from parenting styles to hobbies (around 22:00, 00:22:19:00).  
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reflect on and improve your relationship (around 26:00, 00:26:18:10).
More on Attachment Styles (Referenced in This Episode):  Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from attachment episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In healthy relationships, this security fosters independence (00:13:01:18).  
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness and may feel insecure, but a healthy relationship offers reassurance to ease this (00:13:58:08).  
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence and may struggle with closeness, but a healthy relationship provides safety to engage (00:13:58:08).
Three Takeaway Tips:  Reflect on Your Relationship: Write down how the ARE elements show up in your relationship, or what you’d want in a partner if you’re dating (00:26:18:10).  
Assess Your Connection: Ask yourself: Can I be myself? Do we share respect and trust? Can I share emotions safely? Is my partner willing to work on issues with me? (00:27:13:23).  
Improve One Behaviour: Identify one thing to improve—like appreciating your partner more—and put it into action this week (00:27:40:05).
Resources Mentioned:  We reference our attachment episode (mentioned at 00:03:19:04) for more on security in relationships—check it out! It’s inspired by Therapists Uncensored’s colour-coded approach to attachment: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your relationship story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and wellbeing.  
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced: Synergy Podcast Studio: www.synergypodcaststudio.co.uk
 

EP5: Overthinking: Taming the Mind’s Chatter

In this episode, we explore overthinking, why our minds get caught in endless loops of worry, rumination, and planning, and how it leaves us knackered. We celebrate the brilliance of our thinking brain (it’s behind art, technology, and innovation!) but also dive into its downsides, like activating our threat system and pulling us out of the present. We discuss how smart technology (like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings) can fuel overthinking, the unique challenges for neurodiverse minds (like ADHD), and how to reconnect with your body to calm the chatter. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you manage overthinking, starting today. Tune in to quieten your mind and find some peace.
In This Episode:  What Is Overthinking? We define overthinking as dwelling on thoughts excessively, leading to mental exhaustion and anxiety (starts around 1:00, 00:01:16:23).  
The Pros and Cons of Thinking: Our thinking brain is brilliant for creativity and problem-solving, but overthinking can paralyse us (around 3:00, 00:03:42:22).  
Overthinking and the Threat System: How excessive thinking triggers our nervous system’s alarm, disconnecting us from our bodies (around 6:00, 00:06:14:00).  
Smart Technology’s Role: Wearables like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings can fuel overthinking by creating a need to “know” everything (around 8:00, 00:08:01:22).  
Overthinking and Neurodiversity: For those with ADHD, overthinking can be more intense due to hyperactive brain activity (around 11:00, 00:11:20:13).  
The Nervous System Connection: Overthinking activates our threat response, leaving us drained (around 14:00, 00:14:13:10).  
Strategies to Manage Overthinking: Create distance by naming your “overthinker” character and choosing when to engage (around 18:00, 00:18:13:14).  
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reduce overthinking and bring calm (around 26:00, 00:26:03:01).
Three Takeaway Tips:  Notice When You’re Overthinking: For one day, catch yourself when you’re stuck in your head, then shift focus to the present, like feeling your feet on the ground (00:26:03:01).  
Ditch Smart Technology for a Day: Try going without your smartwatch or tracking apps to break the cycle of constant checking (00:27:17:21).  
Don’t Engage with the Overthinker: Name your overthinking character, thank it, and choose to do something else instead (00:29:08:00).
Resources Mentioned:  
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your overthinking story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com
Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-awareness.   Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Still Tree Music
Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios

EP4: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache

In this episode, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup—why it feels so painful, how your attachment style shapes your experience, and how to heal. We share personal stories, from the devastation of a first love at 19 to the anxious-avoidant cycles of past relationships, showing how breakups can shake us at any age. We explore the science behind the pain (it lights up your brain like physical pain!), the impact of ghosting and orbiting, and what research says about healing—like the role of self-esteem and support. Plus, we offer three practical takeaway tips to help you move forward with self-compassion. Tune in to start healing your heartache today.
Show Notes:  
Episode: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache  
Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the messy, painful world of breakups! We’re here to help you understand why they hurt so much, how your attachment style plays a part, and what you can do to heal. With personal stories, research insights, and actionable tips, this episode is all about guiding you through the heartache with kindness and clarity.  
In This Episode:  
Why Breakups Hurt So Much: We dive into the science—brain scans show breakup pain is as real as physical pain (starts around 1:00, 00:01:22:11).  
Attachment Styles and Breakups: How anxious (approach) and avoidant (distance) styles affect your experience, from intense pain to initial relief (around 3:00, 00:03:59:05).  
Our Stories: We reflect on the lingering pain of a first love at 19 and the anxious pull of past relationships (around 5:00, 00:05:06:00).  
Factors That Influence Healing: Who initiated the breakup, how it happened (like ghosting), and ongoing contact like orbiting all play a role (around 7:00, 00:07:11:22).  
The Role of Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours can ease pain temporarily but often prolong the hurt (around 10:00, 00:10:14:13).  
What Helps: Research shows better self-esteem helps recovery, and friends can be a lifeline (around 14:00, 00:14:29:15).  
Self-Compassion and Reflection: Why reflecting on the relationship and practising self-kindness are key to growth (around 19:00, 00:19:05:11).  
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to help you heal and move forward (around 25:00, 00:25:18:02).
More on Attachment Styles:  Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from previous episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In breakups, you’re likely to recover faster due to better self-esteem (00:14:37:11).  
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may feel hypervigilant about distance, often seeking reassurance (00:03:59:05). Breakups can hit you hard, with intense pain and a pull to maintain contact (00:16:32:09).  
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may shut down to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:04:18:08). In breakups, you might feel relief initially and avoid the pain, but it can surface later (00:11:55:10).
Three Takeaway Tips:  Find a Breakup Friend: Surround yourself with supportive friends to remind you you’ll be okay, and text them instead of your ex when the urge hits (00:25:18:02).  
Journal Your Reflections: Write down what you’ve learned about yourself and the relationship—what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d do differently next time (00:26:11:03).  
Practise Self-Soothing: Treat the pain like a physical illness—try a massage, gym session, or a drink with a mate to ease the hurt (00:26:56:05).
Resources Mentioned:  We reference attachment styles from our last episode, inspired by the colour-coded approach from Therapists Uncensored. Check out their podcast for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your breakup story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and healing.  
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Still Tree Music
Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios

EP3: Attachment Styles Explained: Which Attachment Style Are You?

Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack attachment styles and how they influence your relationships. We’re diving into the science of connection, sharing relatable stories, and offering actionable steps to help you navigate your own patterns with more awareness and compassion.  
In This Episode:  What Are Attachment Styles? We explain how early experiences with caregivers shape your ability to connect.
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. 
Secure Attachment (Green): A felt sense of safety—knowing someone’s got your back, allowing you to explore the world confidently (around 3:00, 00:03:12:04).  
Anxious Attachment (Red): Craving closeness due to unpredictable caregiving, often leading to a need for reassurance (around 7:00, 00:06:46:00).  
Our Stories: We share how anxiety shows up in parenting (waiting for people to text) and dating (preoccupation with responses) (around 9:00, 00:09:17:21).  
Avoidant Attachment (Blue): Seeking distance after consistent unavailability in childhood, often cutting off emotions to cope (around 11:00, 00:11:13:04).  
The Push-Pull Dynamic: Why anxious and avoidant styles often attract, creating a challenging cycle in relationships (around 17:00, 00:16:46:12).  
Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three steps to understand and work with your attachment style (around 20:00, 00:19:51:20).
More on Attachment Styles:  
Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025).  
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may be hypervigilant about distance, often needing reassurance and contact (00:06:46:00). You might feel, “I’m not okay without someone else.”  
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may unconsciously shut down emotions to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:11:13:04). You often feel, “I’m okay on my own—I don’t need anyone.”
Three Takeaway Tips:  Reflect on Your Childhood: Think about your early experiences with caregivers, were they consistent, unpredictable, or distant? This can reveal your default style (00:23:47:09).  
Notice Your Behaviours: Spot patterns, like seeking constant contact (anxious) or pulling away (avoidant) and how they feel in your body (00:24:16:04).  
Practise Secure Behaviours: Try open communication, like saying, “I need space now” or “I need to hear back from you,” to build healthier connections (00:25:40:12).
Resources Mentioned:  We reference the Therapists Uncensored podcast for their colour-coded approach to attachment styles—check it out for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your attachment style story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and self-awareness.   Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!  
 

EP2: How to Stop Being so Self-critical

Welcome to our latest episode, where we tackle the tricky habit of self-criticism! We’re unpacking why we beat ourselves up, how that inner critic takes over, and what we can do to bring in more kindness. With personal insights and actionable steps, this episode is all about making peace with yourself, one compassionate moment at a time.  
In This Episode:  
What’s Behind Self-Criticism? We look at why we’re so hard on ourselves and how the inner critic becomes a loud character in our heads.
The Inner Critic’s Role: Discover how this voice might have once helped us but now oversteps, and why it won’t just go away.
A Kinder Alternative: We talk about bringing in a compassionate character—understanding, firm, and warm—to balance things out. 
Personal Reflections: Hear our stories of sleepless worries before recordings and body image battles, showing how compassion can shift the narrative.
Being Alongside Yourself: Learn why it’s not about fixing the pain but being with it differently.
Building Compassion: Practical ideas on growing that kinder voice, even when it feels unfamiliar.
Takeaway Tips: We finish with three simple steps to stop the self-beatdown and start being kinder.
Three Takeaway Tips:  
Check Your Compassion: Notice if you can give kindness to others, receive it from them, or offer it to yourself, start where you’re at.  
Spot the Blocks: Reflect on what stops you from being kind to yourself, maybe it’s feeling lazy or self-indulgent and challenge those beliefs.  
Label and Shift: When your inner critic gets noisy, name it (“My critic’s chatty today”), then invite your compassionate voice to step in with warmth and understanding.
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. 
Resources Mentioned:  Curious about compassion-focussed therapy? Search online for more on how it helps ease suffering and boosts mental wellbeing!
Connect With Us:
Got a question or want to share your inner critic’s favourite lines? Email us at Relationallives@gmail.com.
Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, self-compassion, and managing tricky thoughts. 
Next Episode Teaser:
We’re looking at how we can understand our own attachment styles in relationships. Don’t miss it! 
Thanks for Listening!If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we keep exploring how to navigate the messy but marvelous human brain!