Relational Lives Podcast

EP 21: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It Matters

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the three most common conflict styles that show up in relationships: blame-blame, attack-withdraw, and withdraw-withdraw. With warmth, insight, and lived experience, they help listeners identify their own patterns, understand the emotional drivers underneath, and reflect on how these cycles affect connection. Whether you argue loudly or shut down silently, this episode will help you make sense of what's really happening between you and your partner.Shownotes:Episode: Conflict Styles: How You Fight & Why It MattersIn this episode:00:00 – Intro: Why conflict styles matter03:00 – Blame–Blame (Attack–Attack) Style: Fact wars & emotional explosions11:40 – What’s really going on under the blame game14:15 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Pattern: A one-sided fight for connection20:50 – The still face, shutdowns, and how withdrawal fuels escalation27:40 – Text message tension: Modern conflict and emotional distance30:10 – Withdraw–Withdraw Style: The silent disconnect34:30 – Is no conflict really a problem? When disconnection feels safe38:15 – How to recognise your style & what to do with it42:32 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment📍 Resources mentioned:'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) - Therapy model underpinning the conflict stylesStill Face Experiment by Dr. Edward Tronick – Referenced during the withdrawal discussionUnderstanding attachment styles:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726Negative relationship cycles:Connect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 20: Break the Cycle: The Relationship Trap We Wish We'd Known Sooner

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros dive into the concept of negative cycles in relationships - the invisible patterns we fall into when things go wrong with our partners. Whether you’re a “pursuer,” “withdrawer,” or locked in blame–blame dynamics, this episode breaks down what’s really going on beneath the surface. Using relatable examples (including that infamous dishwasher debate!), they explain how these emotional loops are driven by vulnerability, attachment, and unspoken needs. With practical metaphors like the “infinity loop” and the “main floor vs. basement,” Ali and Ros offer insights that can transform how you relate and repair.Whether you're in a long-term relationship or reflecting on your own patterns, this is essential listening for building connection, safety, and understanding.Shownotes:Episode: The Negative Relationship Cycle You Need to KnowIn this episode:00:00 – Introduction & why understanding negative cycles matters04:08 – The Infinity Loop: How couples get stuck08:10 – Pursuer–Withdrawer Cycle: The dishwasher example14:03 – Why we react the way we do: emotion beneath the behaviour19:42 – Blame–Blame Dynamics (Find the Bad Guy cycle)23:55 – Two Withdrawers & the danger of disconnection29:40 – When cycles are quiet but still painful32:05 – Raw Spots: Our emotional triggers from the past38:00 – How to begin breaking the cycle: Self-awareness & repair42:26 – 3 Takeaway Tips + 'Would You Rather' segment📍 Resources mentioned:The Infinity Loop: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_xski0fK11JTfN2CLYndjsucJqYxZ_Z3/view?usp=drive_linkUnderstanding Attachment Styles:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTcEmotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) – framework referenced throughoutConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 19: Are You in an Unhealthy Relationship?

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore a vital question: "Am I in an unhealthy relationship?" Whether it's a romantic relationship, friendship, or even a business partnership, this conversation helps you identify the subtle yet damaging signs of unhealthy dynamics. From emotional disconnection and conflict avoidance to people-pleasing and shutdown behaviours, Ali and Ros unpack what these patterns mean and how to begin addressing them.Drawing from emotionally focused therapy, this episode offers practical examples and three takeaway tips to help you reflect on your relationships and take meaningful steps toward repair. If you’ve ever wondered whether your relationship dynamics are helping or harming you, this is a must-watch conversation.Shownotes:Epiosde: Am I in an Unhealthy Relationship?In this episode:00:00 - Intro01:05 - Why talk about unhealthy relationships?02:30 - What's the difference between unhealthy and toxic relationships?04:00 - Signs of unhealthy relationships05:15 - Sign #1: Not being able to calmly discuss difficulties07:40 - Sign #2: No repair after conflict10:00 - Sign #3: People-pleasing & ignoring your own needs12:45 - Sign #4: Shutting down or stonewalling15:10 - Sign #5: Indifference or unintentional neglect17:30 - Sign #6: The negative cycle explained21:15 - Sign #7: Lack of trust or emotional safety24:00 - Understanding what you bring into relationships26:00 - How to start repairing unhealthy dynamics29:00 - Sharing the episode as a starting point for discussion30:00 - Resources to help without therapy31:10 - 3 Takeaway Tips (incl. journaling prompt)📍 Resources mentioned:'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson (book + online course0Still Face Experiment by Dr. Edward TronickUnderstanding attachment styles:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-xwpd3-186c726The fearful avoidant attachment style:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-npv9y-18e4e79Healthy relationships:https://www.podbean.com/eas/pb-3suv8-188c4bdConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

Ep 18: Dear Therapists: Boundaries, Beliefs & Family Struggles | Listener Dilemmas

In the second Dear Therapists episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros respond to two powerful listener letters, offering comfort, validation, and gentle reflections for those navigating emotionally complex relationships.Letter 1:This dilemma from a listener explores the painful question of whether it's okay to end a friendship over racist and anti-immigrant comments.Letter 2:This letter shares the emotional weight of living in a home overshadowed by trauma, silence, and a father’s unpredictable anger.If you've ever struggled with loyalty versus boundaries, or found yourself stuck in a difficult home environment, this episode is for you.Shownotes:Episode: Dear Therapists: Boundaries, Beliefs & Family Struggles | Listener DilemmasIn this episode:00:00 – Introduction00:43 – Letter 1: Is it okay to end a friendship over politics?03:00 – Politics vs. personal identity06:00 – Boundaries, beliefs & losing a friend10:00 – Changing friendships in early adulthood13:14 – Letter 2: Walking on eggshells at home15:23 – Trauma, silence & cultural complexity18:15 – Surviving a difficult home environment22:00 – Finding support outside the home25:30 – Final words to our letter writersResources mentioned:📍 Domestic violence and family trauma support (check local services or charities)Previous episodes on:Understanding Anxiety:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6Understanding Gen Z - A Cross-Generational Chat:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qpewe-18a1accConnect with us:Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_LivesLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tempo-psychotherapy-services-33a00318/ Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree StudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 17: Redefining Strength: A Man's Story of Vulnerability

In this episode of Relational Lives, we sit down with former paramedic, Dave Zaple, to hear his honest and moving story of mental ill health, recovery and finding purpose. From witnessing daily trauma in the emergency services to confronting the stigma around men’s mental health, Dave opens up about his breakdown, therapy, identity loss, and eventual healing through connection, creativity, and community. This episode is an unmissable listen for anyone interested in male vulnerability or finding purpose after crisis.
Whether you’re struggling yourself, or supporting someone who is, Dave’s story shows there is life - and growth - after trauma.
Shownotes:
Episode: Breaking Point to Breakthrough: A Men's Mental Health Journey
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro01:40 – When professional and personal trauma collide03:51 – Getting help: TRiM, taking time off, starting therapy05:07 – What PTSD looked like for Dave (and what surprised him)07:12 – Growing up male: cultural silence around emotions10:15 – Identity and recovery13:47 – Support networks: Rock2Recovery, REORG, gym community20:30 – Finding purpose with SoulKind and human stories of resilience24:15 – Letting go of an identity26:00 – Using photography to connect and help others32:00 – Supporting others: you don’t have to fix it, just show up34:00 – Finding community, rebuilding identity38:00 – Dave’s final thoughts: from crisis to creativity41:06 – How others can find help – and why support matters
If this episode resonated with you or you know someone it might help, please share it. You can also reach out or comment - we love hearing from you. Talking helps, and you’re never alone in the dark.
📍 Resources mentioned:
Rock2Recovery - Charity supporting armed forces and blue light workershttps://www.rock2recovery.co.uk/
REORG Charity – Supporting service personnel through physical fitnesshttps://reorgcharity.com/
Surfwell – Surf therapy for emergency service workershttps://www.surfwell.co.uk/
Walking With The Woundedhttps://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/
Millimetres 2 Mountains - A mental health charity that supports individuals to redifne their limitations through the great outdoorshttps://www.millimetres2mountains.org/
SoulKind Journal (CIC) – Human stories of resilience and adventure. Pre-order edition 4 now:https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/
Connect with Dave Zaple:
Website: https://www.davezaple.com/Email: davezaplephotography@gmail.comInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/davezaplephotoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/davezaplephoto
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trauma and PTSD? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 16: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros delve into the complex experience of health anxiety - what it is, how it develops, and what practical steps can be taken to manage it. Ali shares insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, discussing effective tools such as identifying safety behaviours, understanding personal values, and building tolerance for uncertainty. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or trying to understand a loved one, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice.
Shownotes:
Episode: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro and what’s coming up01:00 – What is health anxiety?02:50 – Common misunderstandings and impact on daily life04:30 – How CBT and EMDR can help06:00 – The roots of health anxiety: trauma, personal history, illness10:30 – How health anxiety shows up in the body13:00 – Safety behaviours explained18:00 – Triggers: friends’ stories, news, social media22:00 – Real-life therapy examples and checking behaviours26:00 – Safety behaviours experiment31:00 – The problem with reassurance-seeking36:00 – Introducing values-based work38:30 – Therapy options and what to do if you can’t afford private help41:00 – Three takeaway tips for managing health anxiety45:00 – Outro
Resources mentioned:
📕 Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson (Part of Overcoming Series)
📍 NHS Talking Therapies (UK) – Free CBT referral via GP
Previous episodes on:
Understanding Anxiety - Why Your Brain's Alarm System Freaks Out:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on health anxiety? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 15: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style?

In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how it affects our relationships, communication, and self-perception. If you've ever felt stuck in a push-pull dynamic, terrified of being hurt but also craving intimacy, this episode will help you make sense of what's going on.
We break down what causes this attachment style, what it looks like in practice, and how people can begin to heal. Whether you relate personally or are trying to understand a partner, parent, or friend with this pattern, this conversation is packed with insight and empathy. We explore how fearful avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and why people with this pattern often feel confused, ashamed, or stuck in love.
Show notes:
Episode: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style?
In this episode:
00:00 – Welcome & why this topic matters00:42 – What is fearful avoidant attachment?01:55 – Early childhood roots: inconsistent caregiving and trauma04:10 – The internal push-pull dynamic: craving closeness, fearing harm06:35 – How it plays out in adult romantic relationships08:18 – Shame and identity struggles for fearful avoidants10:12 – How fearful avoidant differs from anxious and avoidant styles12:26 – Common patterns in dating and communication14:43 – Signs you're in a fearful avoidant cycle17:05 – Therapy, healing and the role of nervous system regulation19:28 – How partners can support a fearful avoidant loved one21:15 – Tips for recognising your triggers and building self-awareness23:30 – Self-soothing and final thoughts
Resources mentioned:
📕 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
📕 The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges (for understanding nervous system regulation)
Previous episodes on:
Attachment Styles:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Building Healthy Relationships:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.  
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 14: Dear Therapists: Heartbreak and Closure | Listener Dilemmas

Welcome to a very special episode of Relational Lives - our first Dear Therapist edition. In this episode, Ali and Ros respond to two deeply personal letters from listeners grappling with loss, betrayal, and the search for closure.
Letter 1: JoJo opens up about losing their first love after being groomed into an abusive relationship. Now, blocked and isolated, Jo is looking for ways to process the guilt and trauma.
Letter 2: OwenAfter nine years, Owen’s girlfriend ends the relationship unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day - just before moving in together. Owen seeks answers and support as he faces heartbreak and the fear of rediscovering his identity alone.
This episode offers empathy, practical steps, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating emotional pain, attachment trauma, or the confusing road to closure.
Show notes:
Episode: Dear Therapist: Heartbreak, Abuse & Clousre | Listener Dilemmas
In this episode:
00:00 – Welcome to our first Dear Therapist episode00:50 – Why listener dilemmas matter and what to expect01:30 – Letter 1: Jo’s story of first love, grooming, and abuse03:50 – How abuse can be hidden and isolating05:30 – Understanding grooming, love bombing, and trauma07:00 – The power of attention and why manipulation feels good08:45 – Talking about shame, guilt, and getting support10:00 – Why forgiveness is about you – not them11:15 – Acknowledging Jo’s strength and moving forward12:10 – Finding closure when you’ve been blocked13:30 – How writing unsent letters can help15:10 – Grieving the relationship and spotting red flags16:45 – Letter 2: Owen’s sudden break-up after 9 years18:20 – The pain of losing your imagined future19:45 – What avoidant attachment might explain21:00 – Was the break-up triggered by fear of commitment?22:30 – Can you ask your ex for answers – and should you?24:00 – Managing expectations and emotional readiness25:30 – Rebuilding identity after a long relationship27:00 – Seeking support and moments of relief28:15 – Final reflections and how to send in your own dilemma30:00 – Thank you for listening – more letters coming soon!
Resources mentioned:
Healthy relationships - explore what defines a healthy romantic dynamic:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd
Attachment styles overview:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Break-ups - navigating the grief of a break-up and reclaiming joy:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ugjxj-187698d
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. 
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP 13: What is an Anxious Attachment Style?

In this episode we dive into the anxious attachment style, exploring its origins, how it manifests in adult relationships, and practical ways to navigate it. We discuss the impact of inconsistent caregiving in childhood, the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, and common behaviors like excessive messaging or seeking reassurance. With relatable examples, we highlight the difference between blaming and expressing needs effectively. The episode wraps up with three actionable takeaway tips to help you reflect on your attachment patterns, recognise triggers, and practice self-soothing or open communication in relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable insights to foster healthier connections.
Show notes:
Episode: What is an anxious attachment style?
Welcome to our latest episode where we unpack the anxious attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.  
In this episode:
00:00 - 01:00 | Welcome Back to Relational Lives  
01:00 - 02:28 | Quick Overview of Attachment StylesA quick recap of secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles, rooted in early caregiving experiences.  
02:28 - 07:49 | What is Anxious Attachment?We dive into the inconsistent caregiving that leads to anxious attachment, using the fruit machine analogy to explain the cycle of seeking closeness.  
07:49 - 12:47 | Anxious Attachment in Adult RelationshipsExploring the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, including the preoccupation with connection and fear of rejection.  
12:47 - 20:51 | Behaviours of Anxious AttachmentCommon behaviours like excessive texting, criticism, blaming, or pulling away to seek closeness, and how they differ from avoidant attachment.  
20:51 - 27:09 | Navigating Anxious Attachment in Dating and RelationshipsPractical advice for singles and those in relationships, emphasising self-reflection, understanding personal needs, and recognising partner dynamics.  
27:09 - 30:43 | Communicating Needs EffectivelyUsing the dishwasher example to contrast blaming communication with vulnerable, need-focused communication to foster connection.  
30:43 - 32:00 | Practical ApplicationHow self-reflection and compassionate communication can help soothe anxious attachment and improve relationships.  
32:00 - 34:10 | Three Takeaway Tips & ClosingThree practical tips for understanding and managing anxious attachment. 
Three Takeaway Tips:  
Reflect on Your Upbringing: Write down aspects of your childhood or upbringing, such as how your parents or caregivers were, that may have contributed to developing an anxious attachment style. (32:00 - 32:22)
Notice Feelings and Sensations: When you recognise behaviors associated with anxious attachment (e.g., excessive texting or seeking reassurance), note the feelings and physical sensations you experience when activated. (32:22 - 32:50)
Practice Self-Soothing: When feeling anxious, explore compassionate ways to soothe yourself, referring to the episode on self-criticism for self-compassion tips. (32:50 - 33:24)
Resources mentioned:
Still Face Experiment by Edward Tronick: Referenced as a key study showing infant responses to inconsistent caregiving.
Attachment Styles Overview: For a broader look at secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles.https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Avoidant Attachment: For more on how avoidant behaviors contrast with anxious attachment.  https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qcp7g-18b5e9d
Self-Criticism Episode: For guidance on practicing self-compassion to soothe anxious feelings.https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-p5jy5-18625d5
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  
Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio

EP12: Pride month special: A trans woman's perspective

In this heartfelt Pride Month episode of Relational Lives, we’re joined by Robyn, a trans woman, to share her journey of self-discovery and joy. We explore Robyn’s story—from realising her gender incongruence at age 11 to finding her community on the UK south coast. We discuss the shame of societal expectations, the impact of a recent UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights, and the euphoria of living authentically. Robyn shares advice for those questioning their identity, emphasising the power of finding your “pack” and embracing joy. Tune in to celebrate trans joy this Pride Month!  
Show Notes:  Episode: Celebrating Trans Joy: Robyn’s Story for Pride Month  Welcome to a special Pride Month episode, where we celebrate trans joy with our guest, Robyn, a trans woman sharing her powerful story. From her early awareness of femininity to navigating a hyper-masculine career in the army, Robyn takes us through her journey of acceptance and euphoria. We also address current challenges, including a UK Supreme Court ruling affecting trans rights, and discuss hope for future generations.  
In This Episode:  Pride Month Special: Raising trans awareness (starts around 1:00:00, 01:00:00:16).  
Trans Rights Context: Global threats to trans rights (around 1:00:46, 01:00:46:02).  
Robyn’s Early Years: Awareness of femininity at age 11 (around 1:02:10, 01:02:10:01).  
Gender Stereotypes: Growing up with rigid roles (around 1:04:13, 01:04:13:06).  
First Discovery: Finding a cross-dressing service (around 1:06:34, 01:06:34:09).  
Hyper-Masculine Career: Joining the army (around 1:10:19, 01:10:19:06).  
First Makeover: A mix of euphoria and shame (around 1:12:22, 01:12:22:13).  
Double Life: Quarterly relief as Robyn (around 1:14:14, 01:14:14:17).  
Finding Community: Building her “pack” on the south coast (around 1:16:16, 01:16:16:17).  
Euphoria as a Woman: From acceptance to joy (around 1:19:18, 01:19:18:07).  
Visibility Challenges: Navigating passing and reactions (around 1:20:13, 01:20:13:22).  
UK Supreme Court Ruling: Impact on trans rights (around 1:25:13, 01:25:13:06).  
Practical Impact: Reluctance to go out publicly (around 1:27:16, 01:27:16:07).  
Emboldened Bigotry: Facing increased hostility (around 1:29:00, 01:29:00:07).  
Queer Community Divisions: Some resist trans inclusion (around 1:31:21, 01:31:21:12).  
Hope for the Future: A direction toward equality (around 1:32:21, 01:32:21:12).  
Ongoing Transition: Challenges of not being fully out (around 1:34:37, 01:34:37:03).  
Final Message: Find your pack, embrace joy (around 1:36:05, 01:36:05:14).
Three Key Insights:  It Doesn’t Go Away: Robyn emphasises that feelings of gender incongruence persist and need exploration (01:34:37:03).  
Focus on Joy: Living authentically brings joy—don’t let others’ negativity dim that (01:32:59:12).  
Find Your Pack: Surround yourself with supportive allies who love you for you (01:36:30:00).
Resources Mentioned:  For more on mental health and identity, check out our recent episode: [Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell](insert Podbean link here) or [YouTube Link](insert YouTube link here).  
Learn more about the UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights mentioned at 01:25:13:06: UK Supreme Court Ruling on Trans Rights.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  Credits:  Music by: Stile Tree Music  
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trans joy? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on identity, relationships, and self-understanding.  Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode inspiring, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!