Relational Lives Podcast
Join psychotherapists Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham as they discuss relatable (and sometimes less relatable) life struggles.
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Episodes
Thursday May 01, 2025
Thursday May 01, 2025
In this episode, we explore body image—how we perceive our bodies and the path to improving our relationship with them. We dive into how early messages from family, media (from 80s diet culture to today’s social media filters), and comparisons shape our self-view, often fueling self-criticism and scrutiny. Through personal stories—like childhood labels and the impact of filtered selfies—we highlight the societal and internal pressures that maintain a negative body image. We also share practical steps to break the cycle, from noticing self-criticism to embracing gratitude and self-compassion, especially as our bodies change with age. Plus, we offer three takeaway tips to help you improve your body image. Tune in to start this journey today!
Show Notes: Episode: Improve Your Body Image Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the complex topic of body image! We’re here to help you understand how your self-perception forms, what keeps negative patterns going, and how to improve your relationship with your body. With personal insights, reflections on societal pressures, and actionable steps, this episode is all about fostering a healthier self-view with kindness and clarity.
In This Episode: Understanding Body Image: We define body image as how we view our appearance, shaped from childhood (starts around 1:00, 00:01:32:15).
Childhood Messages: Family and cultural messages, like diet culture in the 80s, set early narratives (around 2:00, 00:02:27:21).
Media’s Impact: From magazines to social media filters, media distorts our perception of “normal” (around 3:00, 00:03:23:01).
Modern Pressures: Filters, TV shows like Love Island, and AI amplify unrealistic standards (around 6:00, 00:06:10:22).
Maintaining Factors: Comparison, self-scrutiny, and self-criticism keep negative body image alive (around 8:00, 00:08:13:02).
The Inner Critic: Self-criticism, a familiar voice, aims to “help” but fuels negativity (around 12:00, 00:12:15:13).
Steps to Improve: Awareness and choosing not to engage with the critic can break the cycle (around 15:00, 00:15:29:02).
Gratitude and Self-Compassion: Appreciating your body and building a compassionate inner voice are key (around 20:00, 00:20:19:12).
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to improve your body image (around 27:00, 00:27:31:23).
Three Takeaway Tips:
Reflect on Early Messages: Journal about childhood messages that shaped your body image, whether positive or negative (00:27:31:23).
Identify Negative Patterns: Write down habits fueling a poor body image, like comparing or media exposure (00:28:24:11).
Make One Change: Choose one habit to change, like unfollowing triggering social media accounts (00:28:46:15).
Resources Mentioned:
We reference our self-compassion episode (mentioned at 00:25:33:10) for more on building a kinder inner voice—check it out! We also reference our overthinking episode (00:14:07:09) for tips on noticing unhelpful thoughts.
Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your body image story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-acceptance.
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday Apr 24, 2025
Thursday Apr 24, 2025
In this episode, we unpack what makes a relationship healthy—whether you’re dating, partnered, or reflecting on your connections. We introduce the ARE framework (Accessible, Responsive, Engaged) to show how safety and security create a strong foundation, even when life gets busy or conflicts arise (like dishwasher disagreements!). Through personal stories—like feeling disconnected or finding comfort in a partner’s support at social events—we explore the role of communication, mutual respect, and emotional safety. We also discuss how secure relationships foster independence and teamwork, even for those with insecure attachment tendencies. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you reflect on and strengthen your relationships. Tune in to build a healthier connection today!
In This Episode: What Makes a Healthy Relationship? We set the stage for understanding healthy relationships for everyone (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).
Feeling Disconnected: We share how busy lives can lead to disconnection, even in strong relationships (around 1:00, 00:01:12:12).
The ARE Framework: Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement are key to feeling safe and secure (around 3:00, 00:03:19:04).
Engagement and Presence: Being truly present shows care and interest, even in small moments (around 8:00, 00:08:24:00).
Bids for Connection: Why responding to your partner’s bids (like sharing a storm moment) matters (around 11:00, 00:11:44:18).
Security Fosters Independence: A secure relationship allows for individuality without fear (around 13:00, 00:13:01:18).
Communication and Emotional Safety: Deeper communication and emotional safety are vital for connection (around 18:00, 00:18:19:08).
Facing Challenges as a Team: Healthy relationships tackle differences together, from parenting styles to hobbies (around 22:00, 00:22:19:00).
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reflect on and improve your relationship (around 26:00, 00:26:18:10).
More on Attachment Styles (Referenced in This Episode): Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from attachment episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In healthy relationships, this security fosters independence (00:13:01:18).
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness and may feel insecure, but a healthy relationship offers reassurance to ease this (00:13:58:08).
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence and may struggle with closeness, but a healthy relationship provides safety to engage (00:13:58:08).
Three Takeaway Tips: Reflect on Your Relationship: Write down how the ARE elements show up in your relationship, or what you’d want in a partner if you’re dating (00:26:18:10).
Assess Your Connection: Ask yourself: Can I be myself? Do we share respect and trust? Can I share emotions safely? Is my partner willing to work on issues with me? (00:27:13:23).
Improve One Behaviour: Identify one thing to improve—like appreciating your partner more—and put it into action this week (00:27:40:05).
Resources Mentioned: We reference our attachment episode (mentioned at 00:03:19:04) for more on security in relationships—check it out! It’s inspired by Therapists Uncensored’s colour-coded approach to attachment: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your relationship story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and wellbeing.
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced: Synergy Podcast Studio: www.synergypodcaststudio.co.uk
Thursday Apr 17, 2025
Thursday Apr 17, 2025
In this episode, we explore overthinking, why our minds get caught in endless loops of worry, rumination, and planning, and how it leaves us knackered. We celebrate the brilliance of our thinking brain (it’s behind art, technology, and innovation!) but also dive into its downsides, like activating our threat system and pulling us out of the present. We discuss how smart technology (like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings) can fuel overthinking, the unique challenges for neurodiverse minds (like ADHD), and how to reconnect with your body to calm the chatter. Plus, we share three practical takeaway tips to help you manage overthinking, starting today. Tune in to quieten your mind and find some peace.
In This Episode: What Is Overthinking? We define overthinking as dwelling on thoughts excessively, leading to mental exhaustion and anxiety (starts around 1:00, 00:01:16:23).
The Pros and Cons of Thinking: Our thinking brain is brilliant for creativity and problem-solving, but overthinking can paralyse us (around 3:00, 00:03:42:22).
Overthinking and the Threat System: How excessive thinking triggers our nervous system’s alarm, disconnecting us from our bodies (around 6:00, 00:06:14:00).
Smart Technology’s Role: Wearables like Fitbits and sleep-tracking rings can fuel overthinking by creating a need to “know” everything (around 8:00, 00:08:01:22).
Overthinking and Neurodiversity: For those with ADHD, overthinking can be more intense due to hyperactive brain activity (around 11:00, 00:11:20:13).
The Nervous System Connection: Overthinking activates our threat response, leaving us drained (around 14:00, 00:14:13:10).
Strategies to Manage Overthinking: Create distance by naming your “overthinker” character and choosing when to engage (around 18:00, 00:18:13:14).
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to reduce overthinking and bring calm (around 26:00, 00:26:03:01).
Three Takeaway Tips: Notice When You’re Overthinking: For one day, catch yourself when you’re stuck in your head, then shift focus to the present, like feeling your feet on the ground (00:26:03:01).
Ditch Smart Technology for a Day: Try going without your smartwatch or tracking apps to break the cycle of constant checking (00:27:17:21).
Don’t Engage with the Overthinker: Name your overthinking character, thank it, and choose to do something else instead (00:29:08:00).
Resources Mentioned:
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your overthinking story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com
Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-awareness. Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Still Tree Music
Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios
Thursday Apr 10, 2025
Thursday Apr 10, 2025
In this episode, we dive into the emotional rollercoaster of a breakup—why it feels so painful, how your attachment style shapes your experience, and how to heal. We share personal stories, from the devastation of a first love at 19 to the anxious-avoidant cycles of past relationships, showing how breakups can shake us at any age. We explore the science behind the pain (it lights up your brain like physical pain!), the impact of ghosting and orbiting, and what research says about healing—like the role of self-esteem and support. Plus, we offer three practical takeaway tips to help you move forward with self-compassion. Tune in to start healing your heartache today.
Show Notes:
Episode: How to Get Over a Breakup: Healing the Heartache
Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the messy, painful world of breakups! We’re here to help you understand why they hurt so much, how your attachment style plays a part, and what you can do to heal. With personal stories, research insights, and actionable tips, this episode is all about guiding you through the heartache with kindness and clarity.
In This Episode:
Why Breakups Hurt So Much: We dive into the science—brain scans show breakup pain is as real as physical pain (starts around 1:00, 00:01:22:11).
Attachment Styles and Breakups: How anxious (approach) and avoidant (distance) styles affect your experience, from intense pain to initial relief (around 3:00, 00:03:59:05).
Our Stories: We reflect on the lingering pain of a first love at 19 and the anxious pull of past relationships (around 5:00, 00:05:06:00).
Factors That Influence Healing: Who initiated the breakup, how it happened (like ghosting), and ongoing contact like orbiting all play a role (around 7:00, 00:07:11:22).
The Role of Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours can ease pain temporarily but often prolong the hurt (around 10:00, 00:10:14:13).
What Helps: Research shows better self-esteem helps recovery, and friends can be a lifeline (around 14:00, 00:14:29:15).
Self-Compassion and Reflection: Why reflecting on the relationship and practising self-kindness are key to growth (around 19:00, 00:19:05:11).
Takeaway Tips: We share three steps to help you heal and move forward (around 25:00, 00:25:18:02).
More on Attachment Styles: Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04 from previous episode). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025). In breakups, you’re likely to recover faster due to better self-esteem (00:14:37:11).
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may feel hypervigilant about distance, often seeking reassurance (00:03:59:05). Breakups can hit you hard, with intense pain and a pull to maintain contact (00:16:32:09).
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may shut down to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:04:18:08). In breakups, you might feel relief initially and avoid the pain, but it can surface later (00:11:55:10).
Three Takeaway Tips: Find a Breakup Friend: Surround yourself with supportive friends to remind you you’ll be okay, and text them instead of your ex when the urge hits (00:25:18:02).
Journal Your Reflections: Write down what you’ve learned about yourself and the relationship—what worked, what didn’t, and what you’d do differently next time (00:26:11:03).
Practise Self-Soothing: Treat the pain like a physical illness—try a massage, gym session, or a drink with a mate to ease the hurt (00:26:56:05).
Resources Mentioned: We reference attachment styles from our last episode, inspired by the colour-coded approach from Therapists Uncensored. Check out their podcast for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your breakup story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and healing.
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Music by: Still Tree Music
Produced and Edited: Synergy Podcast Studios
Thursday Apr 03, 2025
Thursday Apr 03, 2025
Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack attachment styles and how they influence your relationships. We’re diving into the science of connection, sharing relatable stories, and offering actionable steps to help you navigate your own patterns with more awareness and compassion.
In This Episode: What Are Attachment Styles? We explain how early experiences with caregivers shape your ability to connect.
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Secure Attachment (Green): A felt sense of safety—knowing someone’s got your back, allowing you to explore the world confidently (around 3:00, 00:03:12:04).
Anxious Attachment (Red): Craving closeness due to unpredictable caregiving, often leading to a need for reassurance (around 7:00, 00:06:46:00).
Our Stories: We share how anxiety shows up in parenting (waiting for people to text) and dating (preoccupation with responses) (around 9:00, 00:09:17:21).
Avoidant Attachment (Blue): Seeking distance after consistent unavailability in childhood, often cutting off emotions to cope (around 11:00, 00:11:13:04).
The Push-Pull Dynamic: Why anxious and avoidant styles often attract, creating a challenging cycle in relationships (around 17:00, 00:16:46:12).
Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three steps to understand and work with your attachment style (around 20:00, 00:19:51:20).
More on Attachment Styles:
Secure (Green): You feel a deep sense of “I’m okay” and can communicate needs clearly (00:03:12:04). You’re comfortable with emotional closeness, can regulate your own emotions, and work through conflict to repair relationships. If a dynamic becomes unhealthy and communication doesn’t help, you’re more likely to walk away (hosts’ notes, 09:58, 02/04/2025).
Anxious (Red, Approach): You crave closeness, fear abandonment, and may be hypervigilant about distance, often needing reassurance and contact (00:06:46:00). You might feel, “I’m not okay without someone else.”
Avoidant (Blue, Distance): You value independence, struggle with emotional closeness, and may unconsciously shut down emotions to avoid feeling overwhelmed (00:11:13:04). You often feel, “I’m okay on my own—I don’t need anyone.”
Three Takeaway Tips: Reflect on Your Childhood: Think about your early experiences with caregivers, were they consistent, unpredictable, or distant? This can reveal your default style (00:23:47:09).
Notice Your Behaviours: Spot patterns, like seeking constant contact (anxious) or pulling away (avoidant) and how they feel in your body (00:24:16:04).
Practise Secure Behaviours: Try open communication, like saying, “I need space now” or “I need to hear back from you,” to build healthier connections (00:25:40:12).
Resources Mentioned: We reference the Therapists Uncensored podcast for their colour-coded approach to attachment styles—check it out for more insights: https://therapistuncensored.com.
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your attachment style story? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on relationships, mental health, and self-awareness. Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday Mar 27, 2025
Thursday Mar 27, 2025
Welcome to our latest episode, where we tackle the tricky habit of self-criticism! We’re unpacking why we beat ourselves up, how that inner critic takes over, and what we can do to bring in more kindness. With personal insights and actionable steps, this episode is all about making peace with yourself, one compassionate moment at a time.
In This Episode:
What’s Behind Self-Criticism? We look at why we’re so hard on ourselves and how the inner critic becomes a loud character in our heads.
The Inner Critic’s Role: Discover how this voice might have once helped us but now oversteps, and why it won’t just go away.
A Kinder Alternative: We talk about bringing in a compassionate character—understanding, firm, and warm—to balance things out.
Personal Reflections: Hear our stories of sleepless worries before recordings and body image battles, showing how compassion can shift the narrative.
Being Alongside Yourself: Learn why it’s not about fixing the pain but being with it differently.
Building Compassion: Practical ideas on growing that kinder voice, even when it feels unfamiliar.
Takeaway Tips: We finish with three simple steps to stop the self-beatdown and start being kinder.
Three Takeaway Tips:
Check Your Compassion: Notice if you can give kindness to others, receive it from them, or offer it to yourself, start where you’re at.
Spot the Blocks: Reflect on what stops you from being kind to yourself, maybe it’s feeling lazy or self-indulgent and challenge those beliefs.
Label and Shift: When your inner critic gets noisy, name it (“My critic’s chatty today”), then invite your compassionate voice to step in with warmth and understanding.
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Resources Mentioned: Curious about compassion-focussed therapy? Search online for more on how it helps ease suffering and boosts mental wellbeing!
Connect With Us:
Got a question or want to share your inner critic’s favourite lines? Email us at Relationallives@gmail.com.
Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, self-compassion, and managing tricky thoughts.
Next Episode Teaser:
We’re looking at how we can understand our own attachment styles in relationships. Don’t miss it!
Thanks for Listening!If this episode resonated, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we keep exploring how to navigate the messy but marvelous human brain!
Thursday Mar 20, 2025
Thursday Mar 20, 2025
In this episode, we dive deep into the world of anxiety—what it is, why it happens, and how our brains can sometimes trick us into a cycle of worry. Join us as we explore the evolutionary roots of anxiety, the fight-or-flight response, and how modern overthinking turns our natural alarm system into a source of stress. We’ll share personal stories, and offer three practical takeaway tips to help you understand and manage your anxiety. Whether you’re dealing with social anxiety, performance fears, or just everyday worries, this episode is your first step toward making sense of it all. Tune in and start taming your tricky brain today!
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Show Notes:
Episode: Understanding Anxiety: Unpacking the Brain’s Alarm System
Welcome to our latest episode where we tackle the big topic of anxiety! We’re peeling back the layers of this common experience to help you understand what’s really going on in your brain and body. From catastrophizing to sweaty palms, we’ve got you covered with insights, relatable stories, and actionable advice.
In This Episode:
What is Anxiety? We break down the brain’s built-in alarm system and how it can’t tell the difference between a real threat (like a lion chasing you) and an imagined one (like a looming deadline).
The Tricky Brain: Discover how our evolved ability to think ahead and imagine scenarios can fuel worry, overthinking, and even physical symptoms like a racing heart or dry mouth.
Personal Reflections: We share our own experiences with anxiety, including performance fears tied to past humiliations and the pressure of big upcoming events.
The Vicious Cycle: Learn how avoidance and overpreparation can keep anxiety alive—and what to do instead.
Takeaway Tips: We wrap up with three simple, practical strategies to start understanding and managing your anxiety today.
Three Takeaway Tips:
Name It to Tame It: Give your anxiety a name (like “Little Miss Anxiety”) to create distance and recognize when it shows up.
Reflect on the Roots: Look back at your past experiences—school pressures, family dynamics, or hormonal shifts—to uncover where your anxiety might come from.
Spot the Patterns: Identify habits like avoidance or overpreparing that keep your anxiety going, and start journaling to track them.
Resources Mentioned:
Check out Ross Harris’s brilliant animation videos on YouTube, like “The Struggle Switch,” for a quick and clear look at how we get stuck in anxiety cycles. Links below!
The Struggle Switch - YouTube
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your anxiety story? Reach out to us at Relationallives@gmail.com
Subscribe for more episodes on anxiety, including future deep dives into social anxiety, panic attacks, and worry.
Next Episode Teaser:
We’re looking at how to stop beating yourself up about things. Don’t miss it!
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode helpful, please leave us a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, marvelous human brain!
Wednesday Mar 19, 2025
Wednesday Mar 19, 2025
Welcome to Relational Lives!
Join psychotherapists Ali and Ros as we kick off our new podcast, bringing you free, accessible insights into mental health, relationships, and how our minds and bodies work.
After years of dreaming about this (since 2018!), we’re finally here and we’re so excited to share this journey with you. In this trailer, we introduce ourselves, our mission, and why we’re stepping out of our comfort zone to create something for you.
As therapists, we know private therapy isn’t cheap, so we’re offering bite-sized help and education on topics that matter—relationships with ourselves, others, and everything in between. No topic is off-limits, and it’s for all ages!
What to Expect:
Practical tips and therapist insights you can use every day Deep dives into mental health, the brain, and human connection Future guest experts and topics you suggest (get in touch!) A raw, real ride as we learn and grow alongside you
Disclaimer: Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Timestamps:
0:00 - Welcome to Relational Lives
0:30 - Why We Started This Podcast
1:20 - Our Goal: Free Mental Health Support
2:00 - What’s Coming Up & How to Join Us
Get Involved: Have a topic you want us to cover?
Subscribe now and hit the bell so you don’t miss our first full episode—we’ve got exciting stuff lined up!