What is an Anxious Attachment Style?

In this episode we dive into the anxious attachment style, exploring its origins, how it manifests in adult relationships, and practical ways to navigate it. We discuss the impact of inconsistent caregiving in childhood, the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, and common behaviors like excessive messaging or seeking reassurance. With relatable examples, we highlight the difference between blaming and expressing needs effectively. The episode wraps up with three actionable takeaway tips to help you reflect on your attachment patterns, recognise triggers, and practice self-soothing or open communication in relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable insights to foster healthier connections.

Show notes:

Episode: What is an anxious attachment style?

Welcome to our latest episode where we unpack the anxious attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.  

In this episode:

00:00 - 01:00 | Welcome Back to Relational Lives  

01:00 - 02:28 | Quick Overview of Attachment Styles
A quick recap of secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles, rooted in early caregiving experiences.  

02:28 - 07:49 | What is Anxious Attachment?
We dive into the inconsistent caregiving that leads to anxious attachment, using the fruit machine analogy to explain the cycle of seeking closeness.  

07:49 - 12:47 | Anxious Attachment in Adult Relationships
Exploring the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, including the preoccupation with connection and fear of rejection.  

12:47 - 20:51 | Behaviours of Anxious Attachment
Common behaviours like excessive texting, criticism, blaming, or pulling away to seek closeness, and how they differ from avoidant attachment.  

20:51 - 27:09 | Navigating Anxious Attachment in Dating and Relationships
Practical advice for singles and those in relationships, emphasising self-reflection, understanding personal needs, and recognising partner dynamics.  

27:09 - 30:43 | Communicating Needs Effectively
Using the dishwasher example to contrast blaming communication with vulnerable, need-focused communication to foster connection.  

30:43 - 32:00 | Practical Application
How self-reflection and compassionate communication can help soothe anxious attachment and improve relationships.  

32:00 - 34:10 | Three Takeaway Tips & Closing
Three practical tips for understanding and managing anxious attachment.
 

Three Takeaway Tips:  

Reflect on Your Upbringing: Write down aspects of your childhood or upbringing, such as how your parents or caregivers were, that may have contributed to developing an anxious attachment style. (32:00 - 32:22)

Notice Feelings and Sensations: When you recognise behaviors associated with anxious attachment (e.g., excessive texting or seeking reassurance), note the feelings and physical sensations you experience when activated. (32:22 - 32:50)

Practice Self-Soothing: When feeling anxious, explore compassionate ways to soothe yourself, referring to the episode on self-criticism for self-compassion tips. (32:50 - 33:24)

Resources mentioned:

Still Face Experiment by Edward Tronick: Referenced as a key study showing infant responses to inconsistent caregiving.

Attachment Styles Overview: For a broader look at secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles.
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726

Avoidant Attachment: For more on how avoidant behaviors contrast with anxious attachment.  
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qcp7g-18b5e9d

Self-Criticism Episode: For guidance on practicing self-compassion to soothe anxious feelings.
https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-p5jy5-18625d5

Connect with us:

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Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT

Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com.

Disclaimer:
Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.  

Credits:  
Music by: Stile Tree Audio
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio