Relational Lives Podcast
Join psychotherapists Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham as they discuss relatable (and sometimes less relatable) life struggles.
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3 hours ago
3 hours ago
In this episode of Relational Lives, we sit down with former paramedic, Dave Zaple, to hear his honest and moving story of mental ill health, recovery and finding purpose. From witnessing daily trauma in the emergency services to confronting the stigma around men’s mental health, Dave opens up about his breakdown, therapy, identity loss, and eventual healing through connection, creativity, and community. This episode is an unmissable listen for anyone interested in male vulnerability or finding purpose after crisis.
Whether you’re struggling yourself, or supporting someone who is, Dave’s story shows there is life - and growth - after trauma.
Shownotes:
Episode: Breaking Point to Breakthrough: A Men's Mental Health Journey
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro01:40 – When professional and personal trauma collide03:51 – Getting help: TRiM, taking time off, starting therapy05:07 – What PTSD looked like for Dave (and what surprised him)07:12 – Growing up male: cultural silence around emotions10:15 – Identity and recovery13:47 – Support networks: Rock2Recovery, REORG, gym community20:30 – Finding purpose with SoulKind and human stories of resilience24:15 – Letting go of an identity26:00 – Using photography to connect and help others32:00 – Supporting others: you don’t have to fix it, just show up34:00 – Finding community, rebuilding identity38:00 – Dave’s final thoughts: from crisis to creativity41:06 – How others can find help – and why support matters
If this episode resonated with you or you know someone it might help, please share it. You can also reach out or comment - we love hearing from you. Talking helps, and you’re never alone in the dark.
📍 Resources mentioned:
Rock2Recovery - Charity supporting armed forces and blue light workershttps://www.rock2recovery.co.uk/
REORG Charity – Supporting service personnel through physical fitnesshttps://reorgcharity.com/
Surfwell – Surf therapy for emergency service workershttps://www.surfwell.co.uk/
Walking With The Woundedhttps://walkingwiththewounded.org.uk/
Millimetres 2 Mountains - A mental health charity that supports individuals to redifne their limitations through the great outdoorshttps://www.millimetres2mountains.org/
SoulKind Journal (CIC) – Human stories of resilience and adventure. Pre-order edition 4 now:https://www.soulkindpeople.co.uk/
Connect with Dave Zaple:
Website: https://www.davezaple.com/Email: davezaplephotography@gmail.comInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/davezaplephotoFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/davezaplephoto
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_livesYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Relational_Lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trauma and PTSD? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Thursday Jul 03, 2025
Thursday Jul 03, 2025
In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros delve into the complex experience of health anxiety - what it is, how it develops, and what practical steps can be taken to manage it. Ali shares insights from cognitive behavioural therapy, discussing effective tools such as identifying safety behaviours, understanding personal values, and building tolerance for uncertainty. Whether you’re seeking support for yourself or trying to understand a loved one, this episode offers hope, clarity, and actionable advice.
Shownotes:
Episode: Understanding and Managing Health Anxiety
In this episode:
00:00 – Intro and what’s coming up01:00 – What is health anxiety?02:50 – Common misunderstandings and impact on daily life04:30 – How CBT and EMDR can help06:00 – The roots of health anxiety: trauma, personal history, illness10:30 – How health anxiety shows up in the body13:00 – Safety behaviours explained18:00 – Triggers: friends’ stories, news, social media22:00 – Real-life therapy examples and checking behaviours26:00 – Safety behaviours experiment31:00 – The problem with reassurance-seeking36:00 – Introducing values-based work38:30 – Therapy options and what to do if you can’t afford private help41:00 – Three takeaway tips for managing health anxiety45:00 – Outro
Resources mentioned:
📕 Overcoming Health Anxiety by David Veale and Rob Willson (Part of Overcoming Series)
📍 NHS Talking Therapies (UK) – Free CBT referral via GP
Previous episodes on:
Understanding Anxiety - Why Your Brain's Alarm System Freaks Out:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ghvvi-1852bb6
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on health anxiety? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for future episodes on OCD, trauma, attachment and more mental health topics. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Thursday Jun 26, 2025
Thursday Jun 26, 2025
In this episode of Relational Lives, Ali and Ros explore the complexities of the fearful avoidant attachment style and how it affects our relationships, communication, and self-perception. If you've ever felt stuck in a push-pull dynamic, terrified of being hurt but also craving intimacy, this episode will help you make sense of what's going on.
We break down what causes this attachment style, what it looks like in practice, and how people can begin to heal. Whether you relate personally or are trying to understand a partner, parent, or friend with this pattern, this conversation is packed with insight and empathy. We explore how fearful avoidant attachment develops, how it shows up in adult relationships, and why people with this pattern often feel confused, ashamed, or stuck in love.
Show notes:
Episode: What is a Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style?
In this episode:
00:00 – Welcome & why this topic matters00:42 – What is fearful avoidant attachment?01:55 – Early childhood roots: inconsistent caregiving and trauma04:10 – The internal push-pull dynamic: craving closeness, fearing harm06:35 – How it plays out in adult romantic relationships08:18 – Shame and identity struggles for fearful avoidants10:12 – How fearful avoidant differs from anxious and avoidant styles12:26 – Common patterns in dating and communication14:43 – Signs you're in a fearful avoidant cycle17:05 – Therapy, healing and the role of nervous system regulation19:28 – How partners can support a fearful avoidant loved one21:15 – Tips for recognising your triggers and building self-awareness23:30 – Self-soothing and final thoughts
Resources mentioned:
📕 Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller
📕 The Polyvagal Theory by Stephen Porges (for understanding nervous system regulation)
Previous episodes on:
Attachment Styles:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Building Healthy Relationships:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com. Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. If you found this episode helpful, please like this video or share it with a friend.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits:
Hosts: Alison Bickers and Ros Peckham at www.mytempo.co.uk
Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Wednesday Jun 18, 2025
Wednesday Jun 18, 2025
Welcome to a very special episode of Relational Lives - our first Dear Therapist edition. In this episode, Ali and Ros respond to two deeply personal letters from listeners grappling with loss, betrayal, and the search for closure.
Letter 1: JoJo opens up about losing their first love after being groomed into an abusive relationship. Now, blocked and isolated, Jo is looking for ways to process the guilt and trauma.
Letter 2: OwenAfter nine years, Owen’s girlfriend ends the relationship unexpectedly on Valentine’s Day - just before moving in together. Owen seeks answers and support as he faces heartbreak and the fear of rediscovering his identity alone.
This episode offers empathy, practical steps, and gentle guidance for anyone navigating emotional pain, attachment trauma, or the confusing road to closure.
Show notes:
Episode: Dear Therapist: Heartbreak, Abuse & Clousre | Listener Dilemmas
In this episode:
00:00 – Welcome to our first Dear Therapist episode00:50 – Why listener dilemmas matter and what to expect01:30 – Letter 1: Jo’s story of first love, grooming, and abuse03:50 – How abuse can be hidden and isolating05:30 – Understanding grooming, love bombing, and trauma07:00 – The power of attention and why manipulation feels good08:45 – Talking about shame, guilt, and getting support10:00 – Why forgiveness is about you – not them11:15 – Acknowledging Jo’s strength and moving forward12:10 – Finding closure when you’ve been blocked13:30 – How writing unsent letters can help15:10 – Grieving the relationship and spotting red flags16:45 – Letter 2: Owen’s sudden break-up after 9 years18:20 – The pain of losing your imagined future19:45 – What avoidant attachment might explain21:00 – Was the break-up triggered by fear of commitment?22:30 – Can you ask your ex for answers – and should you?24:00 – Managing expectations and emotional readiness25:30 – Rebuilding identity after a long relationship27:00 – Seeking support and moments of relief28:15 – Final reflections and how to send in your own dilemma30:00 – Thank you for listening – more letters coming soon!
Resources mentioned:
Healthy relationships - explore what defines a healthy romantic dynamic:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-3suv8-188c4bd
Attachment styles overview:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Break-ups - navigating the grief of a break-up and reclaiming joy:https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-ugjxj-187698d
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_livesFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/relationallives/TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Thursday Jun 12, 2025
Thursday Jun 12, 2025
In this episode we dive into the anxious attachment style, exploring its origins, how it manifests in adult relationships, and practical ways to navigate it. We discuss the impact of inconsistent caregiving in childhood, the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, and common behaviors like excessive messaging or seeking reassurance. With relatable examples, we highlight the difference between blaming and expressing needs effectively. The episode wraps up with three actionable takeaway tips to help you reflect on your attachment patterns, recognise triggers, and practice self-soothing or open communication in relationships. Whether you're single, dating, or in a relationship, this episode offers valuable insights to foster healthier connections.
Show notes:
Episode: What is an anxious attachment style?
Welcome to our latest episode where we unpack the anxious attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.
In this episode:
00:00 - 01:00 | Welcome Back to Relational Lives
01:00 - 02:28 | Quick Overview of Attachment StylesA quick recap of secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles, rooted in early caregiving experiences.
02:28 - 07:49 | What is Anxious Attachment?We dive into the inconsistent caregiving that leads to anxious attachment, using the fruit machine analogy to explain the cycle of seeking closeness.
07:49 - 12:47 | Anxious Attachment in Adult RelationshipsExploring the physical and emotional sensations of anxious attachment, including the preoccupation with connection and fear of rejection.
12:47 - 20:51 | Behaviours of Anxious AttachmentCommon behaviours like excessive texting, criticism, blaming, or pulling away to seek closeness, and how they differ from avoidant attachment.
20:51 - 27:09 | Navigating Anxious Attachment in Dating and RelationshipsPractical advice for singles and those in relationships, emphasising self-reflection, understanding personal needs, and recognising partner dynamics.
27:09 - 30:43 | Communicating Needs EffectivelyUsing the dishwasher example to contrast blaming communication with vulnerable, need-focused communication to foster connection.
30:43 - 32:00 | Practical ApplicationHow self-reflection and compassionate communication can help soothe anxious attachment and improve relationships.
32:00 - 34:10 | Three Takeaway Tips & ClosingThree practical tips for understanding and managing anxious attachment.
Three Takeaway Tips:
Reflect on Your Upbringing: Write down aspects of your childhood or upbringing, such as how your parents or caregivers were, that may have contributed to developing an anxious attachment style. (32:00 - 32:22)
Notice Feelings and Sensations: When you recognise behaviors associated with anxious attachment (e.g., excessive texting or seeking reassurance), note the feelings and physical sensations you experience when activated. (32:22 - 32:50)
Practice Self-Soothing: When feeling anxious, explore compassionate ways to soothe yourself, referring to the episode on self-criticism for self-compassion tips. (32:50 - 33:24)
Resources mentioned:
Still Face Experiment by Edward Tronick: Referenced as a key study showing infant responses to inconsistent caregiving.
Attachment Styles Overview: For a broader look at secure, avoidant, and anxious attachment styles.https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-xwpd3-186c726
Avoidant Attachment: For more on how avoidant behaviors contrast with anxious attachment. https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-qcp7g-18b5e9d
Self-Criticism Episode: For guidance on practicing self-compassion to soothe anxious feelings.https://www.podbean.com/ew/pb-p5jy5-18625d5
Connect with us:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/relational_lives
Want to share your story or come on the show to discuss your dilemma? Write to us and we might cover it in a future episode. We’d also love to hear updates if you’ve written in before. Drop us a message at relationalives@gmail.com or you can anonymously complete our form here: https://forms.office.com/e/qcrCkbhPiT
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at relationallives@gmail.com.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree AudioProduced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Wednesday Jun 04, 2025
Wednesday Jun 04, 2025
In this heartfelt Pride Month episode of Relational Lives, we’re joined by Robyn, a trans woman, to share her journey of self-discovery and joy. We explore Robyn’s story—from realising her gender incongruence at age 11 to finding her community on the UK south coast. We discuss the shame of societal expectations, the impact of a recent UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights, and the euphoria of living authentically. Robyn shares advice for those questioning their identity, emphasising the power of finding your “pack” and embracing joy. Tune in to celebrate trans joy this Pride Month!
Show Notes: Episode: Celebrating Trans Joy: Robyn’s Story for Pride Month Welcome to a special Pride Month episode, where we celebrate trans joy with our guest, Robyn, a trans woman sharing her powerful story. From her early awareness of femininity to navigating a hyper-masculine career in the army, Robyn takes us through her journey of acceptance and euphoria. We also address current challenges, including a UK Supreme Court ruling affecting trans rights, and discuss hope for future generations.
In This Episode: Pride Month Special: Raising trans awareness (starts around 1:00:00, 01:00:00:16).
Trans Rights Context: Global threats to trans rights (around 1:00:46, 01:00:46:02).
Robyn’s Early Years: Awareness of femininity at age 11 (around 1:02:10, 01:02:10:01).
Gender Stereotypes: Growing up with rigid roles (around 1:04:13, 01:04:13:06).
First Discovery: Finding a cross-dressing service (around 1:06:34, 01:06:34:09).
Hyper-Masculine Career: Joining the army (around 1:10:19, 01:10:19:06).
First Makeover: A mix of euphoria and shame (around 1:12:22, 01:12:22:13).
Double Life: Quarterly relief as Robyn (around 1:14:14, 01:14:14:17).
Finding Community: Building her “pack” on the south coast (around 1:16:16, 01:16:16:17).
Euphoria as a Woman: From acceptance to joy (around 1:19:18, 01:19:18:07).
Visibility Challenges: Navigating passing and reactions (around 1:20:13, 01:20:13:22).
UK Supreme Court Ruling: Impact on trans rights (around 1:25:13, 01:25:13:06).
Practical Impact: Reluctance to go out publicly (around 1:27:16, 01:27:16:07).
Emboldened Bigotry: Facing increased hostility (around 1:29:00, 01:29:00:07).
Queer Community Divisions: Some resist trans inclusion (around 1:31:21, 01:31:21:12).
Hope for the Future: A direction toward equality (around 1:32:21, 01:32:21:12).
Ongoing Transition: Challenges of not being fully out (around 1:34:37, 01:34:37:03).
Final Message: Find your pack, embrace joy (around 1:36:05, 01:36:05:14).
Three Key Insights: It Doesn’t Go Away: Robyn emphasises that feelings of gender incongruence persist and need exploration (01:34:37:03).
Focus on Joy: Living authentically brings joy—don’t let others’ negativity dim that (01:32:59:12).
Find Your Pack: Surround yourself with supportive allies who love you for you (01:36:30:00).
Resources Mentioned: For more on mental health and identity, check out our recent episode: [Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell](insert Podbean link here) or [YouTube Link](insert YouTube link here).
Learn more about the UK Supreme Court ruling on trans rights mentioned at 01:25:13:06: UK Supreme Court Ruling on Trans Rights.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your thoughts on trans joy? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on identity, relationships, and self-understanding. Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode inspiring, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday May 29, 2025
Thursday May 29, 2025
In this episode of Relational Lives, we dive into understanding ADHD in 2025 with psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell from Flint Healthcare. We explore what ADHD is, its different presentations in males and females, and its effects on self-esteem, relationships, and rejection sensitivity. Dr. Campbell shares insights on the diagnostic process, the role of medication, and what’s happening in the brain with his air traffic control metaphor. We also discuss NHS waiting list challenges, the impact of social media on awareness, and steps for seeking a diagnosis. Plus, enjoy our new quickfire segment and key insights to better understand ADHD!
Show Notes: Episode: Understanding ADHD in 2025: With Dr. Graham Campbell Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack ADHD in 2025! Joined by psychiatrist Dr. Graham Campbell, we aim to shed light on this important topic, offering clarity and support for those affected by ADHD, whether personally or in relationships. From brain science to practical advice, this episode is filled with expert insights and actionable steps.
In This Episode: ADHD in 2025: We introduce the topic of growing ADHD awareness (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).
Meet Dr. Campbell: Introducing our guest, a psychiatrist from Flint Healthcare (around 0:03, 00:00:03:07).
Psychiatrist vs. Psychotherapist: Understanding the difference (around 1:00, 00:00:35:22).
What Is ADHD? A neurodevelopmental condition explained (around 1:46, 00:01:46:19).
Gender Differences: How ADHD presents in boys vs. girls (around 4:00, 00:04:25:21).
Late Diagnoses: The grief and relief of adult diagnosis (around 6:00, 00:06:04:02).
Stigma and Labels: Addressing misconceptions about ADHD (around 9:00, 00:09:26:21).
Diagnostic Process: What a full assessment involves (around 10:00, 00:10:20:12).
ADHD Traits in Everyone: It’s about impact, not just symptoms (around 14:00, 00:14:23:01).
Adults and Gender: Differences persist into adulthood (around 16:00, 00:16:38:09).
Brain Science: Dopamine, hot vs. cool systems, and the air traffic control metaphor (around 18:00, 00:18:03:18).
Superpower or Struggle? Creativity vs. medication effects (around 24:00, 00:24:44:10).
Medication Options: Finding the right fit for you (around 29:00, 00:29:16:15).
NHS Challenges: Long waiting lists and the Right to Choose pathway (around 31:00, 00:31:37:20).
Why More Diagnoses? Social media and global trends (around 35:00, 00:35:05:01).
Rejection Sensitivity: A key challenge with ADHD (around 37:00, 00:37:10:10).
Relationships and ADHD: Impact and improvements (around 43:00, 00:43:27:16).
Seeking a Diagnosis: Advice for NHS and private routes (around 46:00, 00:46:48:09).
Quickfire Segment: Coffee, forests, and evenings with Dr. Campbell (around 52:00, 00:52:07:03).
Flint Healthcare: About Dr. Campbell’s clinic (around 55:00, 00:55:19:02).
Three Key Insights: ADHD Is a Spectrum: We all have traits, but diagnosis depends on impact and distress (00:14:23:01).
Medication Isn’t a Cure-All: It’s like an electric bike—helpful, but you still need to pedal (00:26:31:14).
Start the Diagnosis Process Early: Despite NHS waiting lists, the Right to Choose pathway can help (00:47:18:19).
Resources Mentioned: For more on mental health, check out our episode on anxiety: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube.
Dr. Campbell recommends the ADHD Self-Rating Scale for self-assessment (mentioned at 00:50:25:05). The latest version as of 2025 is the ASRS v1.1: ADHD Self-Rating Scale (ASRS v1.1). Note: This is a screening tool, not a diagnosis.
Learn more about Dr. Campbell’s clinic, Flint Healthcare, in Brighton, UK (mentioned at 00:55:47:16): Flint Healthcare.
We reference the BBC show Chris Packham: Inside Our ADHD Minds (mentioned at 00:15:37:18), which includes ADHD insights: Available on BBC iPlayer (UK viewers only).
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your thoughts on ADHD? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding.
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday May 22, 2025
Thursday May 22, 2025
In this episode, we explore the avoidant attachment style—its origins, signs, and ways to manage its effects on relationships. We discuss how it often develops from unmet emotional needs in childhood, leading to a protective “unplugging” from emotions. We highlight behaviours like emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and ghosting, alongside strengths such as excelling in practical crises and careers. We also address challenges in romantic relationships, like discomfort with intense emotions, and offer empathy for why this style exists as a survival mechanism. Tune in for our three takeaway tips to help you reflect, understand yourself better, and foster deeper connections.
Show Notes:
Episode: What is an avoidant attachment style? Welcome to our latest episode, where we unpack the avoidant attachment style! We’re here to help you understand how it develops, recognise its signs, and find ways to navigate its impact on your relationships. With compassionate insights and practical steps, this episode is all about fostering self-awareness and connection with clarity and empathy.
In This Episode: What Is Avoidant Attachment? We introduce the style and its roots (starts around 0:00, 00:00:06:12).
Attachment Styles Overview: A quick recap of secure, anxious, and avoidant styles (around 1:00, 00:01:19:20).
How It Develops: Unmet emotional needs in childhood lead to “unplugging” (around 3:00, 00:03:14:25).
A Survival Strategy: Why avoidant individuals deactivate emotions (around 5:00, 00:05:17:26).
The Stigma: Addressing the negative stereotypes around avoidant attachment (around 7:00, 00:07:21:27).
Recognising the Signs: Emotional distancing, people-pleasing, and more (around 9:00, 00:09:24:22).
Strengths: Thriving in crises and career success (around 12:00, 00:12:05:23).
Relationship Challenges: Dating, ghosting, and seeking “the one” (around 15:00, 00:15:27:17).
Ghosting and Orbiting: Why these behaviours happen (around 21:00, 00:21:37:27).
How to Manage It: Self-reflection, therapy, and sharing with partners (around 27:00, 00:27:15:13).
Takeaway Tips: Three steps to reflect and connect (around 32:00, 00:32:34:27).
Three Takeaway Tips: Reflect on Your History: Write down what in your past might have led to this style—why you unplugged emotionally (00:33:00:24).
Identify Distancing Behaviours: List the behaviours you notice and what’s not working in your relationships (00:33:26:06).
Share with Your Partner: Open up about your reflections and be curious about yourself with kindness (00:33:54:26).
Resources Mentioned: We reference our earlier episode on attachment styles (mentioned at 00:00:57:17) for a broader overview—check it out: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmAoZfhTbTc
We mention Stan Tatkin’s book Wired for Dating (00:30:25:10) as a helpful resource for dating with attachment styles in mind.
Check out Nothing's Wrong: A Man's Guide to Managing His Emotions by David Kundtz for understanding emotional expression (mentioned at 00:30:44:21): https://www.amazon.co.uk/Nothings-Wrong-Guide-Managing-Emotions/dp/1684810280
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:Have a question or want to share your thoughts on attachment styles? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-understanding. Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday May 15, 2025
Thursday May 15, 2025
In this episode, we explore worry—what it is, why some people are more prone to it, and practical ways to stop it. We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, a key part of anxiety, and discuss its origins, from learned behaviours in families to past experiences like humiliation or health concerns. We break down the pros and cons of worrying, its impact on your body and mind, and why it can feel so exhausting. Through a roleplay, we show three ways to respond to the “worry gremlin”—engaging, ignoring, and acknowledging without feeding it. Plus, we share three takeaway tips to help you notice, assess, and stop worrying. Tune in to start managing your worries today! Show Notes:
Episode: How to Stop Worrying
Welcome to our latest episode, where we dive into the world of worry! We’re here to help you understand what worry is, why it happens, and how to stop it effectively. With insights from CBT, a roleplay to demonstrate strategies, and actionable steps, this episode is all about empowering you to handle worry with clarity and compassion.
In This Episode:
Understanding Worry: We define worry as future-focused “what if” thinking, distinct from overthinking (starts around 1:00, 00:01:04:21).
Why Do We Worry? It’s a safety mechanism, but it can spiral (around 3:00, 00:03:12:20).
What Makes a Worrier? Learned behaviours, past experiences, and intolerance of uncertainty play a role (around 4:00, 00:04:07:12).
The Brain’s Role: Worry triggers the fight-or-flight response, creating a vicious cycle (around 7:00, 00:07:06:14).
Pros and Cons: Worrying might feel protective, but it’s exhausting and limiting (around 9:00, 00:09:25:08).
Steps to Stop Worrying: Start by noticing your “what ifs” (around 15:00, 00:15:16:15).
Types of Worry: We discuss hypothetical, solvable, and worry-about-worry types (around 19:00, 00:19:04:16).
Roleplay: We demonstrate three ways to handle the “worry gremlin” (around 21:00, 00:21:20:07).
Takeaway Tips: Three steps to stop worrying in your daily life (around 26:00, 00:26:25:16).
Three Takeaway Tips: Assess Your Worry: Write down the pros and cons of worrying for you—are the pros really helping? (00:26:27:11)
Notice Your What Ifs: Spend two days tracking your worries on your phone to build awareness (00:27:08:07).
Don’t Engage: Acknowledge the worry gremlin but don’t feed it—focus on the present, or schedule worry time (00:27:34:01).
Resources Mentioned: We reference our anxiety episode (mentioned at 00:01:50:07) for more on the connection between worry and anxiety—check it out for a deeper dive: Understanding Anxiety Episode on Podbean or Understanding Anxiety Episode on YouTube.
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help.
Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your worry strategies? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and self-growth.
Thanks for Listening!If you found this episode helpful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!
Thursday May 08, 2025
Thursday May 08, 2025
In this episode, we welcome our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective on life, social media, and generational differences. We dive into what Gen Z wants other generations to understand—from the surprising normalisation of cocaine use to their reflective and community-focused nature. Fin highlights the dual role of social media, offering connection (like queer communities) but also challenges (like far-right pipelines and echo chambers). We also explore the impact of Covid, climate change, and societal pressures on Gen Z’s views of work, relationships, and the future, alongside their openness to diversity and desire for work-life balance. Join us for a candid cross-generational conversation—and hear about Fin’s gothic band, Coma Red!
Show Notes:
Episode: Understanding Gen Z: A Cross-Generational Chat
Welcome to our latest episode, where we bridge generational gaps with our first guest, Fin, from Gen Z! We’re diving into their experiences, challenges, and hopes, from social media’s impact to their views on work and relationships. With honest insights and cross-generational reflections, this episode is all about understanding and connecting across generations with clarity and empathy.
In This Episode: Welcoming Fin: We introduce our first guest, Fin, to share a Gen Z perspective (starts around 0:00, 00:00:00:00).
What Gen Z Wants to Share: Fin discusses the normalisation of cocaine use and Gen Z’s reflective nature (around 1:00, 00:01:11:22).
Social Media’s Role: It fosters community but also poses challenges like addiction and echo chambers (around 3:00, 00:03:02:26).
Finding Community: Social Media helps Gen Z connect, especially in queer spaces (around 8:00, 00:08:09:22).
The Downside: Doomscrolling and far-right pipelines are real risks (around 10:00, 00:10:16:12).
Generational Differences: We compare Gen Z’s social media use with Gen X habits (around 13:00, 00:13:13:05).
Dark Influences: Social media can lead to polarisation and far-right ideologies (around 17:00, 00:17:08:04).
Gen Z on Diversity: They’re open to learning about gender, sexuality, and history (around 26:00, 00:26:18:20).
Life Paths and Work-Life Balance: Gen Z values flexibility and rejects rigid life paths (around 32:00, 00:32:20:19).
Climate and Future Concerns: Climate change and societal issues weigh heavily on Gen Z (around 38:00, 00:38:01:00).
Fin’s Band: Fin shares about their gothic band, Coma Red (around 42:00, 00:42:03:28).
Resources Mentioned: Check out Fin’s band, Coma Red, for some gothic music vibes: Instagram - @coma_red_band (as mentioned at 00:42:03:29).
Disclaimer:Please remember, this is not meant to be a replacement for personal therapy and is for information and self-reflection only. Please reach out to an appropriate professional in your area if you feel you need individualised help. Credits: Music by: Stile Tree Music
Produced by: Synergy Podcast Studio
Connect With Us:
Have a question or want to share your generational insights? Reach out at Relationallives@gmail.com.Subscribe for more episodes on mental health, relationships, and cross-generational understanding.
Thanks for Listening!
If you found this episode insightful, please leave a review on Podbean or share it with a friend. See you next time as we continue to explore the messy, brilliant human experience!